Exemplification Essay Revision **High Grade Needed, in risk of getting a B**

Hello. I got a 24/40 on one of my essays and i need it to be revised and polished up. I need a very high grade on this assignment. So please give it your best effort. Here is the outline for the essay in case you need it: Exemplification Notes:

At this point, you should have read through the module on exemplification found on our Canvas class site. This is the type of writing that each of you has been doing since middle school — making a statement of some kind and backing it up with examples.

Here are some general notes, followed by some writing suggestions.

Overall Purpose:

  • To make an assertion and support it (back it up) with examples and explanations.

Specific Uses:

  • To inform, educate and explain.
  • To entertain.
  • To argue.
  • To clarify.
  • To define.
  • To compare or contrast.
  • To show cause and effects.

How to do it:

  • Figure out your purpose and audience – these two items always determine what you say and how you say it.
  • Generate examples.
  • Select the examples you’re going to use, because you cannot use everything.
  • Organize your examples in a sensible manner.
  • Begin writing.

Examples must be:

  • Accurate.
  • Relevant.
  • Interesting.
  • Specific and precise and concrete.
  • Explained or interpreted.
  • Cited if referring to an outside source.
  • Supportive, not contradictory. They must support their respective topic sentences which, in turn, support the thesis statement
  • Representative.

Types of examples:

  • Personal experiences or observations.
  • Anecdotes.
  • Names of people, products, or places.
  • References to authority (expert opinions or an authoritative document).
  • Typical (an actual event that occurred but not to you or anyone you know).
  • Hypothetical (realistic but invented). Can you imagine what it would be like to…
  • Generalized (a combination of typical events). All of us at one point have…
  • Extended (thoroughly developed with many details).

Types of organization patterns:

  • Spatial.
  • Chronological
  • Emphatic.
  • M-W-S (moderate then weakest then strongest)

Be aware of:

  • What your audience knows and does not know.
  • Jargon or specialized language.
  • Transitions between ideas (within sentences, between sentences, and between paragraphs).
  • Balance – generally speaking, all of your examples should carry equal weight.
  • Outside sources, such as quotations, cannot simply be “dropped” onto your page. You absolutely must explain your examples or they become, essentially, useless.

Some things to think about:

  • Each essay begins with a thesis and then proceeds to prove that thesis by using a series of examples that flow together in a logical pattern.
  • The thesis must be explicitly stated and easily identified by the reader.
  • The examples chosen may be serious or humorous, but they must be well organized, detailed, and descriptive.
  • All examples must be explained.
  • When using an outside sources, they must all be properly cited.
  • The example may tell a story but the main purpose is not to tell a story. Instead, it is to explain and/or convince the reader of the proposition (thesis) introduced at the beginning of the essay.
  • Clarity and organization are essential. This type of essay is extremely organized:
    • Each example within a paragraph supports that paragraph’s topic sentence.
    • Each topic sentence supports the overall thesis of the essay.

Assignment:

Please write an exemplification essay,

  • double-spaced, 12-point font (easy to read, please)
  • 5-7 pages in length
  • plus a Works Cited page,
  • and an outline (submitted as a separate assignment on Canvas)
  • following MLA guidelines
  • including at least three or more citations
    • one citation should reference our text
    • one citation should reference class handouts (or handouts/reference found on our class’s Canvas site)
    • one or more should come from your own research
  • that responds to (explains) one of the following topics:
  1. How robots currently affect the American economy OR will affect the American economy in the future
  2. How robots currently function as human companions OR may function as human companions in the future
  3. How robots are changing machine-human relationships on a societal/cultural level in America
  4. How robots are changing OR may change the definition of what is human

Please be aware that all of these are very, very broad topics. You will need to narrow the focus of your essay quite a bit in order to write such a short essay. These are just topics. You need to refine them in order to come up with a workable thesis. Also, you will need to site evidence to support your thesis and arrive at a reasonable conclusion.

NOTE: Sources such as spark notes, monkey notes, shmoop, e-notes, wikipedia, and other essay-helping sites are simply not acceptable. Your grade on an assignment will be drastically reduced if you provide evidence from these types of sites.

Rubric

MC Exemplification Essay Rubric

MC Exemplification Essay Rubric

Criteria Ratings Pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeThesis

Clear, specific, original, significant, insightful.

5.0 pts

Clear and purposeful.

4.0 pts

May be overly general.

3.0 pts

Unclear or vague, poorly linked to content of essay.

2.0 pts

Lacks a thesis; does not address assigned topic.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeOrganization

Logical, creative organization; fluid transitions.

5.0 pts

Logical organization.

4.0 pts

Some evidence of organization; clear beginning, middle, and end.

3.0 pts

Poorly structured or disordered.

2.0 pts

Lacks paragraph breaks, transitions.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeDevelopment

Paragraphs thoroughly developed; rich variety of convincing reasons, explanations, examples, illustrations; concrete, powerful details.

5.0 pts

Paragraphs fully developed with supporting reasons, explanations, examples, illustrations; relevant, specific details.

4.0 pts

Gives supporting reasons and examples.

3.0 pts

May not meet length requirement. Underdeveloped; lack of support; factual or logical errors; irrelevancies, redundancies, oversimplifications.

2.0 pts

Severely underdeveloped; serious and consistent logical errors; absence of or severe errors of fact.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeInformation Literacy

Sources are of the highest quality and are sufficient in number; thorough and creative use of varied source material.

5.0 pts

Sources are of good quality and number; appropriately varied and thorough source material.

4.0 pts

Sources are of acceptable quality and number; may not be the most relevant or current sources.

3.0 pts

Insufficient number of sources or insufficient amount of source material used. Sources lack credibility or currency. Some plagiarism (missing quotation marks, insufficient para-phrases, unattributed summaries).

2.0 pts

Unacceptable number and/or quality of sources. Inadequate amount of source material used in essay. Much source material or entire essay is plagiarized. A plagiarized essay will receive an overall grade of 0.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeCommentary

Quotations, summary, and paraphrases are deftly analyzed or interpreted. Source material is thoroughly, creatively integrated into student’s argument.

5.0 pts

Quotations, summary, and paraphrases are analyzed or interpreted. Source material is integrated into student’s own argument.

4.0 pts

Quotations, summary, and paraphrases are commented upon simplistically.

3.0 pts

Source material does not adequately support student’s argument; source material is not sufficiently reflected upon or interpreted.

2.0 pts

Source material is irrelevant or contradicts student’s argument; source material is not reflected upon or interpreted.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeStandard Written English

Mastery of edited Standard English.

5.0 pts

Observes conventions of Standard Written English.

4.0 pts

Contains some errors.

3.0 pts

Unclear, incoherent, confusing. Frequent distracting errors.

2.0 pts

Numerous distracting mechanical errors.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeMLA: Quotations

Quotations correctly introduced, punctuated, and formatted (e.g., blocked, when necessary).

5.0 pts

Quotations are correctly introduced, punctuated, and formatted in most instances.

4.0 pts

Some errors (dropped quotations, failure to block long quotes, errors in punctuation).

3.0 pts

Frequent, significant errors in quotation formatting.

2.0 pts

Severe deficiencies in quotation formatting.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeMLA: Citations

Parenthetical citations done correctly. Works Cited page follows most recent MLA guidelines; very minor, if any, formatting errors.

5.0 pts

Parenthetical citations and Works Cited page are mostly correct. Minor formatting errors do not deter from comprehensibility of citations.

4.0 pts

Some content and formatting errors in parenthetical references and Works Cited page. Parenthetical references may not coordinate well with Works Cited entries.

3.0 pts

Parenthetical citations are frequently absent or inaccurate. Many errors or omissions in content and formatting of Works Cited entries.

2.0 pts

Severe deficiencies in parenthetical citations, and Works Cited entries; lack of parenthetical citations; missing Works Cited list.

1.0 pts

5.0 pts

Total Points: 40.0

**ALSO** here are the teachers comments about my first essay submission:

Avoid announcements such as “this paper sets out…” Remember to explain and interpret your quotations/paraphrases so they are understandable and relate to your thesis. Brian Yablon, Feb 25 at 7:07am
You have quite a number of paraphrases here but many of them lack concrete, explanatory details. You need to explain what they mean and provide specific examples. Otherwise, the paraphrases appear as filler. Brian Yablon, Feb 25 at 7:08am
This is very interesting but you must be aware o your audience. You have delved deeply into this field but you must explain your discoveries in such a way as they make sense to someone less familiar with the material. For each (or at least most) of your assertions, you need to provide a concrete detail/example. Do not assume that your reader will understand or interpret your sources the way you do.

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