Written Assignment – Persuasive Paper, First Draft
Note from my instructor to me directly to improve from my rough draft to my final draft:
Ms. Vidal, I know you don’t have much time, but, Paper is too short, and there really isn’t much information here. You
need to bring in some examples like the riots in Ferguson, the Freddie Gray case,
the Eric Garner case, etc. You are repeating yourself a lot here, but not providing any information. I don’t know what it is you are trying to tell the reader. There is no clear thesis to guide it I think you need to change this a bit to focus on why the communities do not trust the police any more. That would be easier to explain. Remember full points here does not mean the paper is good. It means all parts were present. You have a lot of work to do here.
The article must be from our school library and need to be current she gave some examples of what I should include above. this is the link for the library.